The strongest reading plan would combine emotional-intelligence theory, Catholic formation documents, diaconal spirituality, and pastoral-care practice.
1. Emotional-intelligence foundations
Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence
A foundational introduction to emotional intelligence, especially self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.
Pastoral value: Helps a deacon recognize how emotions influence preaching, sacramental ministry, family life, conflict, and pastoral decision-making.
Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, “Emotional Intelligence”
Their scholarly work provides the original psychological framework behind emotional intelligence as the ability to perceive, understand, use, and regulate emotion.
Pastoral value: Useful for distinguishing emotional intelligence from simply being friendly, compassionate, or socially skilled.
John Lee West, Robert M. Oswald, and N. Guzmán, Emotional Intelligence for Religious Leaders
This is perhaps the most directly relevant resource for ministry. It applies emotional intelligence to pastoral leadership, empathy, conflict, relationships, counseling, and spiritual direction.
Pastoral value: Offers a bridge between psychological theory and the everyday responsibilities of religious leaders.
2. Catholic and diaconal formation
Directory for the Ministry and Life of Permanent Deacons
Published by the Vatican, this is one of the most authoritative texts for understanding the identity and ministry of the permanent deacon.
Pay particular attention to its emphasis on:
- Psychological and affective maturity
- Dialogue and communication
- Compassion and understanding
- Patience, affability, and forgiveness
- Consolation and meaningful relationships
- Being a “bridge and not an obstacle” in people’s encounter with Christ
Pastoral value: It gives a specifically Catholic standard for evaluating emotional maturity—not merely as personal effectiveness, but as service, holiness, communion, and evangelization.
Basic Norms for the Formation of Permanent Deacons
Read alongside the Directory, this document connects human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral formation.
Pastoral value: It encourages the deacon to integrate personal growth, prayer, theological study, pastoral skill, and emotional maturity rather than treating them as separate areas.
United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, National Directory for the Formation, Ministry, and Life of Permanent Deacons in the United States
This is particularly important for deacons serving in the United States.
Pastoral value: It applies the universal Catholic understanding of the diaconate to formation, family life, preaching, charity, parish collaboration, and pastoral responsibility in the American context.
3. Diaconal spirituality and pastoral identity
James Keating, The Heart of the Diaconate
Keating explores the spiritual and pastoral identity of the permanent deacon, emphasizing communion with Christ, prayer, service, and sensitivity to human suffering.
Pastoral value: It helps ensure that emotional intelligence remains rooted in discipleship rather than becoming merely a leadership technique.
James Keating, A Deacon’s Retreat
This is useful for prayerful reflection on ministerial identity, conversion, availability, and the interior life of the deacon.
Pastoral value: Emotional intelligence develops through honest self-examination, prayer, humility, and willingness to be changed by God.
Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Wounded Healer
Nouwen presents ministry as an encounter in which the minister’s own woundedness can become a source of compassion—provided it is acknowledged and surrendered to God.
Pastoral value: Particularly helpful for self-awareness, empathy, humility, and avoiding the temptation to minister from unresolved personal needs.
Pope Francis, The Joy of the Gospel
This document emphasizes missionary discipleship, compassion, accompaniment, closeness, patience, and joyful service.
Pastoral value: It gives a pastoral vision in which social awareness and relationship management are directed toward accompanying people, especially those who feel distant from the Church.
4. Pastoral counseling and relational practice
Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person
Rogers’s work on empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard is highly relevant to pastoral listening.
Pastoral value: Helps the deacon listen without rushing to correct, preach, solve, or judge.
Thomas H. Groome, Sharing Faith
Groome’s approach to Christian religious education emphasizes dialogue, lived experience, reflection, and participation.
Pastoral value: Useful for preaching, faith formation, baptismal preparation, marriage preparation, and adult religious education.
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication
This book offers practical tools for recognizing feelings, identifying needs, expressing concerns clearly, and managing conflict.
Pastoral value: Can help with parish disagreements, family communication, ministry collaboration, and difficult conversations—provided its techniques are integrated with Christian charity and truth.
Edwin H. Friedman, A Failure of Nerve
Friedman examines anxiety, reactivity, emotional triangles, and leadership in congregational systems.
Pastoral value: Especially useful for understanding parish conflict, boundary issues, criticism, resistance to change, and the deacon’s need to remain calm and nonreactive.
A recommended order of study
- Goleman, Emotional Intelligence — learn the basic framework.
- West, Oswald, and Guzmán, Emotional Intelligence for Religious Leaders — apply it to ministry.
- The Vatican’s Directory and Basic Norms — anchor the framework in Catholic diaconal identity.
- The USCCB’s National Directory — connect it to your ministry context.
- Keating, The Heart of the Diaconate — deepen the spiritual foundation.
- Nouwen, Rogers, and Rosenberg — develop compassionate listening and relational practice.
- Friedman — study anxiety, conflict, and parish systems.
A useful guiding principle is this: emotional intelligence enables the deacon to perceive human emotion truthfully, respond with charity and prudence, and remain rooted in Christ while accompanying others. It should serve—not replace—prayer, Scripture, sacramental life, sound theology, and the Church’s tradition of pastoral discernment.
